Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
did you just send me my own nude
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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