I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
