So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
