So drunk its hurt
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
