Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
