we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
