I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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