you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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