Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
