its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
