In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
