I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
