i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
