Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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