We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
