So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
