if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i think my cat just said my name.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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