If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
