Don't make out with my wife yet
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He better not be in your backpack
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
