Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
