It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
