how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
