Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
