weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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