I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
