I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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