we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
