She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
