When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
