I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
