Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
