i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
