i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
