just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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