i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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