If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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