he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
