proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
