Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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