u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
