The maid of honor just puked.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
