Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
