Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
