you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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