the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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