Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
