She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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