Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
