he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
