i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
