Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
