I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize