If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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