I cockslap morals
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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