last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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